Once listed as the 5th-most-read wine blog in the world, The Gray Market Report made a series of bad investments that led to its precarious position.
After failing to acquire enough selenium to control the world market and enact monopoly pricing, The Gray Market Report met with an alien buyer who promised to deliver the entire world supply of unobtainium. The Gray Market Report arrived at the meeting point with a briefcase, and is still waiting, if you're reading this, you naughty fibber.
Further disastrous attempts at diversification for The Gray Market Report included Club Med Kabul (which is still receiving billions in federal aid), the Russian-language rights to the "Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark" soundtrack and a 1/3 interest in Ozzie Osbourne's yet-to-be-recorded Christian spirituals collection. (Highlight songs: "Sharon, There's A Guy Up There," and "Jesus Christ, Can't I Get Some Quiet Around Here?")
While The Gray Market Report has publicly acknowledged its troubles with alcohol, we would like to categorically state that The Gray Market Report has nothing to do with the ongoing federal investigations into steroid use, serial killings, and Medicare and social-security entitlements being wasted on the ill and elderly. We did not let anyone inject us in the stomach with anything, and we're prepared to give a different answer under oath.
While The Gray Market Report sits in the corner and thinks about what it's done, we would like to announce the advent of an entirely new, good-tempered website that never gets on anyone's nerves:
The Gray Report
Please welcome The Gray Report into your homes several days per week as it shares its completely serious viewpoint on the worlds* of wine, spirits, sake and food.
* If you think that's a lot of worlds, you've clearly never read DC Comics.
The Gray Report: "We've Taken The Gray Market Report Off The Market."