|It's the "Audition" of wine articles|
Reading "3 Reasons Why Wine Tasting Can Help Your Career" from NewYork.com hits the same part of the brain as these horror classics. I'm appalled, terrified, a little nauseated -- but I can't look away, I can't stop thinking about it, and even though I know it's horrible, I want to go back and look at it all over again.
What's more, the horror in this article is tremendously effective in a short time. Even the scariest short films take a few minutes to establish the terror. This story has only 372 words, and yet I can easily list its Top 5 Horrifying Sentences about Wine:
5. In honor of that, I present you with three compelling reasons why learning to love wine can help give your career a leg up.
(Because that's the only possible explanation for starting to drink wine.)
4. Not only was the (wine tasting) club a fantastic social outlet during school, but this carried forward after graduation as a way to get together, network and most importantly share job leads.
(Italics mine. Who joins wine tasting clubs for the wine? Silly rabbit. Did you think book clubs are about the books?)
3. This way, when you are asked if you have any favorite wines, you can answer with an actual vineyard rather than saying something completely generic like “I usually order Pinot Grigio.”
(This after the reasonably savvy advice of taking a smartphone picture of a bottle of wine you like -- and memorizing it. Sort of like trying to get into a classical music fan's pants by learning the names of a few composers.)
2. If you can convince a senior-level person (either within or outside your organization) that you know how to detect hints of oak and vanilla in your wine, you can convince a client to buy what you’re selling.
(Holy crap. You mean all I have to do to become a Senior Vice President is bring overly oaked wine on sales calls? No wonder the economy sucks.)
And if you think that's horrifying, here's the sentence before it:
1. Mastering the ability to describe the core aromas behind a wine can really develop your client service capabilities.
(Kill it! Please, no, it's getting away, it's under the couch, it's right behind you, it's ... aiiiiiieeee!!)
Experience the horror of this article for yourself. Don't say you weren't warned.