Valentine's Day sucks

Like most American men, I hate Valentine's Day. And not just because I'm sick of being told people should drink wine with chocolate, which is usually a waste of  good wine.

Some young, completely single men like V-Day because it's an excuse to give flowers or chocolates to a woman they've been eyeing without coming off like a stalker.

But if you're already sleeping with a woman, even on an irregular basis, V-Day sucks, mostly because of the American media.

Here's a link to a fairly typical V-Day article, courtesy of Cosmopolitan.

In it, we learn that nothing a man can do is right. Flowers, for example. Gave her flowers? You suck, because you bought them from the supermarket. Sent her flowers? You suck, because the arrangement wasn't beautiful. Gave her a gold-plated flower? You suck, because it's cheezy.

The reason for all this misandry in February has to do with the gender makeup of staffs at magazines. More journalists overall are women than men, and the numbers are even more skewed in feature and lifestyle sections.

And food sections? They've always been dominated by female staffers, which is a big reason newspapers foolishly treated them as unimportant for years. I could argue that our poor food culture of the past had roots in newspaper pro-male bias, and our national food awakening followed some reduction of that bias. But that's another essay.

Brought the wrong wine!

My point here is, the reason American women get outsized expectations for V-Day is that the media tells them they should. He should make a romantic dinner! With the perfect bottle of wine! And flowers, and a hot tub, and a weekend getaway! And if he screws up any of it -- there's baby's breath in the floral arrangement? How dare he! -- he's just another Mystery Date dud.

Meanwhile, we American men just want V-Day to be over so we can get back to our lives. Relationships aren't made or unmade on one holiday. Couples that are happy together don't need heart-shaped pasta, and it won't save failing marriages. But the media persists, partly because of gender bias and partly because February's a slow month.

Which brings me to the wine-related point of this rant: Why bother seeking the perfect wine for Valentine's Day?

If you are having a romantic dinner, enjoy a bottle of good sparkling wine together. (By those standards, it's V-Day about five times a month in my house.) If you both like Pinot Noir, or margaritas, or whatever, by all means drink some.

But don't buy crap you wouldn't buy any other day of the year: chocolate-flavored wine, dessert wine that's supposed to go with chocolate, wine with hearts on the label.

And women, tell us what you want -- dinner? flowers? -- and we'll provide it, if we're worth dating (or being married to). Forgive us our imperfections, because those are what make us unique, which is why you love us. Right? If not, then give us our chocolates back. And turn the game back on while you're at it.