Friday, June 1, 2012

High alcohol wines are bad for your sex life

Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Dr. Ruth Westheimer orders White Zinfandel, but prefers ginger ale. She admits she doesn't care much about food. She's not somebody you'd normally go to for wine advice.

But Dr. Ruth knows sex, and she knows what's bad for it -- high-alcohol wines.

Dr. Ruth announced earlier this week that's she's launching a line of crappy doctored-up wines at just 6% alcohol made from California grapes called "Vin d'Amour." She hasn't tasted them, and probably doesn't care what they taste like. The whole goal is to get you laid.

She told the New York Post:
“A little bit of alcohol is welcome because it makes people not only relax, but communicate better. They will talk about their feelings, their hopes and their dreams easier than without alcohol, because there is less censure. But when people get drunk, there is no way they can be good lovers. And nobody wants to go to bed with somebody who gets drunk, vomits and wakes up with a hangover. With this [low-alcohol] wine, I am saying: ‘Relax, but don’t do it [drink] too much.’ If sex follows or not, it doesn’t matter. It’s about finding and communicating with a significant other.”
Let's forget about the Vin d'Amour wines themselves; these are completely manufactured products. Plus I defy anyone to name a dry wine that tastes good at 6% alcohol. But think about the message. 

Which is better for your sex life: Riesling at, say, 11% alcohol, or Merlot at 15.5% labeled, 16.5% actual?

Will you have 50% more sex after the Riesling -- or 50% better sex? Or both? Or is the sex/alcohol percentage scale logarithmic, like the Richter scale?

Perhaps you'll have 105 times better sex* after drinking a focused, balanced Riesling than after drinking an overripe Merlot. Thanks, Dr. Ruth!

*Please consult with your doctor to see whether your heart is capable of withstanding sex that good. The Gray Report is not responsible for readers who come and go at the same time.

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Anonymous said...

Sorry, but I spent my entire college career figuring out just the opposite...more alcohol increased my odds of getting laid.

Perhaps its a quantity thing with higher alcohol and a quality thing with lower alcohol?

Adam Lee
Siduri Wines

Larry Brooks said...

Wow, where to begin? Like Adam I discovered fairly early on that good Champagne was the key to a happy ending to the evening. Now Champagne is relatively low in alcohol, but the carbonation speeds the absorption so the effect is as if it were high in alcohol.
Blake I think the alcohol thing is a stalking horse for other issues for you that have which are more to do with ripeness of flavor and the acid/tannin dynamic than the alcohol itself. Can we all agree that alcohol is simply the active ingredient. In some cases like a Martini high alcohol is perfect. In other cases like a light summer white wine low alcohol is perfect. The amount of alcohol in a wine shouldn't be an issue. When people ask how much alcohol is in the wines I make, my stock reply is "the perfect amount"

W. Blake Gray said...

Larry: On most stories I'd agree with you, but Dr. Ruth is all about the alcohol percentage. Of course, she seems to be treating her wines like a drug, or to use a kinder expression, a lifestyle supplement.

Adam: Well considering your lineup of wines and their wide divergence in alcohol percentage, please take a fortnight, do some research, and get back to me. No videos, though, I'm not Rush Limbaugh.

Unknown said...

Isn't this just bulk juice fro Fre and other supermarket shelf low alc offerings??

W. Blake Gray said...

Yes. But I wouldn't dismiss the potential for it to have some cultural impact. Many Americans in the '90s only started drinking red wine, not because it's delicious and is like, the juice of the good life, but because 60 Minutes reported that it's good for your health.

Unknown said...

This is one of the dumbest ventures I have read about.

So basically, she's making wine coolers. Has she heard of those? It's what thirteen year olds drink...