Thursday, July 6, 2017

A Brief History of French Reaction to The Wine Advocate

1978: Qu'est que c'est?

1981: If you want to apply your untrained palate to appreciate our wines, we will not actively prevent you.

1982: Monsieur, with Burgundy, you should be grateful we send you any wine.

1984: Pardon? Monsieur? Allo? You are praising the wrong vintage. Silly American.

1987: Monsieur, we are afraid you do not understand wine. These numbers are all wrong. You have third growths higher than first growths! Do you not understand geography?

1990: What is this nonsense about California making perfect wines? Monsieur, you go too far.

1993: You have insulted Burgundy wines for the last time. Our lawyers will see you in court. You are no longer welcome to bathe in our foie gras.

1995: You are a little late for the tastings this week. We have waited for you and we are not amused.

1997: We hope you will find your accommodations to your liking. If you need anything, any small thing at all, my daughter will be happy to take care of even your slightest physical need.

2000: Would you mind tasting this and telling us if it is ripe enough? We will be so grateful.

2005: We adore your every crag. Your slightest wince of displeasure sets off acid containers in our heart. We beg to be able to worship your saliva.

2012: (It was sold? Really? That could happen?) Monsieur! How are you! You look wonderful. Will you, er, will you be dining with us?

2015: Where are you? Nothing can be sold until you are here. We will send a private plane. The fate of our nation rests. (Remy, Fran├žois: do you know anyone in Singapore? Can we send the DGSI?)

2017: At last, we own you now. You will restore honor to the great nation of France by immediately returning all scores of these foreign beverages to a station more befitting their upbringing. You will ... (Pardon? Just 40% Not a majority? Sacre bleu!) Monsieur, we look forward to a great era of cooperation.

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kschlach said...

This is funny. Well done.

Bob Henry said...

From House of Names website:

The [sur-]name Parker comes from one of the family having worked as the “Parker,” which was the individual who was the guardian of the park grounds. Some Parkers were employed by noblemen who held large estates that needed the ground of the estate or castle maintained.

Early 1980s:

Max Murrey said...

haha nice, I got a good afternoon laugh