Thursday, November 13, 2014

Florida shoplifter snatches vodka: caption contest!

You may want an antibiotic after viewing this viral photo.

The photo has been making the rounds of the Internet. I love a good booze shoplifting story, so instead of doing the sort of thoughtful reporting with in-depth personal interviews you expect from The Gray Report, I spent much of Wednesday afternoon trying to get some details about this woman's of the hooch.

Shoplift-resistant shape
What I know is scant. First off: it's a 750 ml bottle of vodka, not E&J Brandy as many sites are saying. That's comforting if you know the shape of the E&J bottle.

Also, most sites report that she was arrested. This was not the case. The photo is a screen capture from security-camera tape and was only discovered after she was gone from the store.

It was taken in north Florida, either Tallahassee or Jacksonville. The source of the photo would rather leave some ambiguity, as there was no arrest in the case.

I have small hope of learning more. So let's have a New Yorker-style photo caption contest.

1) "Don't worry, son, I've got room for dinner too."

2) "Mom, is that why you sprayed yourself with Vermouth?"

3) "After giving birth to you, $6.99 doesn't go as far as it used to."

Please enter your captions below. Winner gets one used but unopened bottle of Popov!

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Unknown said...

"This is why your name is Smirnoff"

Kimberly C. said...

I'd like mine, straight up.

Unknown said...

"up the hatch".

Unknown said...

or, "here's looking at you Kid".

guren said...

"Would you care to try my new infused vodka?"

Jonas Landau, everydaywineguy said...

"Bottoms up"

Doug said...

"What else goes into a Long Island Iced Tea?"

Nobile said...

"Shaken, not stirred"

e-RICHIE said...

No moon shine there atmo.